To the victor, the Ultimate Aja!
Jojo and Wham's ceremony of chariot combat
shall be the first of two duels to commence!
You may begin your duel
when the moonlight is no longer obscured by the passing cloud above!
Wham!
Shut yer filthy flaps up already!
Where are my cheerleaders, eh?
One lap around the track is 960 meters,
and these vampequines can easily make that one lap in one minute.
Also, look to the pillar yonder.
There will be a weapon or two for us to take from that pillar after every lap.
Weapon?
The first to reach the weapon will be the sole wielder for the entirety of the race.
And the weapon for this first lap...
is the Herculean Hammer!
One stroke of that hammer would blow this chariot off to kingdom come!
If Wham reaches it before I do, not only would I be buggered,
but I'd be indubitably buggered!
But if I were to take it before him, and coat it in oil to increase Ripple conductivity,
he'd be indubitably buggered!
I expect a battle of epic proportions from you, Jojo.
The moon has neared the edge of the cloud...
The moonlight shall soon shine once more!
Jojo, why are you off your chariot?!
The moonlight will shine soon!
You don't have to tell me twice,
but a brisk start is the key to victory.
I need to clear the rubble that's underneath my wheels.
Hey Wham, there's a bit of rubble underneath your wheels, too.
I'd clear them if I were you.
Jojo, get back on your chariot!
Jojo!
Cedo!
Episode
Gallant Gladiators
Cedo!
What the-!
M-Master Wham's spurt has been stalled!
There's rubble under the wheel!
He threw them underneath...!
That was quite crafty of him.
Curses!
While we were watching the moon unveil, he stooped to such trickery!
Yer a dirty deceiver!
Chiseler!
Coming from decrepit corpses, I'll take that as a compliment!
In a duel to the death, there's no shame in being a little dirty!
No limits, no restrictions, all manner of foul play is fair game,
you stinkers!
He's approaching the first pillar!
Kill the human!
Jojo will take the Herculean Hammer...
Why, good evening to you there!
I'll hold you soon, my dear hammer!
You're mine now!
Th-The breakneck speed of these steeds is loosening my grip!
Oh, Hell!
Jojo!
Whoa! I caught it on the ring on my bloody pinkie!
A-At least I have the upper-hand on Wham now!
And he's defenseless!
You may have that hammer.
It was never my desired weapon to begin with.
Wham has a plan for this man.
A painful plan, concocted from the wisdom of a warrior!
I have one greased Herculean Hammer that's ready to wreck!
It's just waiting to smash your skull in, Wham!
Wham's decreased the speed of his steeds...
Speed is not of the essence in chariot combat,
but the rider's equestrianism and use of weaponry are both key to victory.
As well as their instinctive tact.
I think it's high-time I hold these horses up, so I can whack Wham once and for all!
Jojo, you don't want to slow your steeds' speed there!
You may have a hammer, but I...
Well Wham, are you ready to give a big, warm welcome for this here hammer of mine?
Look!
That happy-face he had from holding his hammer has all but vanished!
H-His creative craft for warfare has exceeded my own!
Damn!
Jojo, lash your steeds and increase your speed!
Too late!
My stroke has forced you to abandon both your chariot and horses!
The duel was done from the moment the pillar fell.
How will he avoid my horses now?
Jojo!
The odds of the Vampequines trampling him to death is incredibly high,
while the odds of him dodging either horse is incredibly low.
Well Jojo, how will your cunning save you from this circumstance?
M-My hammer...
Where's my hammer?!
He wants his hammer?! He's got bigger things to worry about!
He might as well hammer his own head with it now!
He has to avoid those horses,
but when he does, Wham will most likely halt his horses
and slay Jojo with his Sacred Sandstorm!
But above all odds,
Jojo dashed straight for the oncoming horses!
Good thinking, Jojo!
Way to use your hammer!
He slammed his hammer down onto the pole between the horses!
The horses saddled forth from the strike!
Jojo had used the Herculean Hammer to heave himself into the air!
I-Inconceivable!
He propelled himself above forelegs of the horses and escaped unscathed!
Hot damn!
And now, I think it's high-time that I play "Whack-a-Wham!"
He's gone?!
B-But where to?!
The wisdom of Wham will always overwhelm that of your whelp's!
I-I forgot!
They can conceal themselves within the bodies of other organisms!
Nice try!
H-He left his boot!
If it wasn't for that blasted boot...
Master Wham could've held his foot firm to the Vampequine!
The jig is up!
It was over the moment your ring caught this hammer for me!
Lady Luck's smiling sweet fer me!
Look at what you've done to yourself, Wham!
You've trapped yourself inside the Vampequine and left yourself without a way to escape!
Heave-ho!
Be Rippled to bits, along with this horse of yours!
The fool has yet to realize his own folly!
Back off, Jojo!
Get as far away from Wham as you can!
Even after assimilating with the horse, Wham was never limited to just one arm!
Neither was the Vampequines pace an issue for him!
Meaning...
he'll be struck by the full extent of Wham's fatal flurry,
as Caesar was...!
Savor...
my Sacred Sandstorm!
The duration of this duel lasted about half a lap,
but I admit that I found it to be fairly intriguing on two to three levels.
Ultimately, not even that provocateur could best Wham's perfected prowess and psyche.
I am to duel you next, but in all honesty,
I derive little delectation from dueling a woman,
as would Wham.
Nevertheless, all meddlesome Mystics must ultimately meet their extinction.
Neca te ipsum.
The poison leads to a painless path.
Jumped to conclusions, have you?
Their duel has not yet ended, you dimwit.
M-Master Cars, behold Master Wham!
Impossible!
Both of Master Wham's arms have been nearly severed!
H-How could this be...
H-How and when were Wham's arms injured so?!
Master, Jojo has...
awoken from the blow!
He's moving, too!
F-Fooled you once, fooled you twice!
H-He was even struck by the full force of the Sacred Sandstorm...
Y-Yet, he lives!
"Full force?"
It was the full force of Jojo's craftiness that convinced you of his defeat.
He's a chiseler by nature, and the best bluffer I know.
Neither traits are commendable by convention.
Behold Wham's waist, and the pieces will fall in place.
C-Could he have...
tied Wham's arms together with reins which carried Ripple energy?!
That would explain the sapped strength of the Sacred Sandstorm!
When Wham reached to grab a hold of my leg,
I figured that he could also use his other arm to strike me with the Sacred Sandstorm.
I had to be a step ahead of him!
Behold the visage of Master Wham!
His face is pale and drenched in sweat!
Master Wham's focus is also lost to the sky!
Wh-What will we do?!
They're entering the second lap!
B-But how could furnish the pillar when Master Wham appears so bewildered?!
Does Master Wham have any will left to duel?!
He has been left aghast.
Never before, has his most prided technique been desecrated so by Ripple energy.
He's been left bereft of the pluck and pride he's procured over several thousands of years.
The weathered warrior has never been left flabbergasted so...
by the bitter taste of plausible defeat.
But "plausible" it remains!
Hurry, and take the weapons for the second lap into the arena!
That's Master Cars's signal!
Then the riders shall have their weapons!
The weapons for the second lap...
are the Cannonball Crossbows!
Both crossbows come equipped with two cannonballs,
and either rider may choose the larger or smaller of crossbows!
W-Wait, there are two sizes to choose from now?!
Lisa Lisa, perhaps the following thought is passing through your mind.
"Wham no longer maintains the focus needed to continue this duel,
and yet, Cars still gave them weapons, aware of this handicap.
It just doesn't make sense."
Then let me enlighten you.
I gave my handicapped rider weapons because he is alike a gallant gladiator of yore.
In professional sports, there is an recovery ritual known as the "Handicap Hurdle."
When athletes find themselves suffering the emotional setbacks from a handicap,
they find a way to hurdle themselves over that handicap with a stimulus.
The greater the emotional setback, the greater the necessitated stimulus.
And Wham's necessitated stimulus was...
B-Bloody Hell!
What's he done to himself?!
M-Master Wham has...
gouged out his own eyes...
with his thumbs!
I relied excessively upon my sense of sight...
and thus, was my sight exploited.
But now, my sole sense of sight shall come from the wind against my horn!
He stimulated himself so, that his focus shall remain forever fixed.
Wham will no longer be hindered by any handicap.
He's overcome his loss of eyesight with his "anemometer" of a horn,
and will use the wind to perceive the projection of his foe.
W-Well, whoop-de-doo!
Gouging out your eyes changes nothing!
What we gained from the stimulus of losing Caesar
was the kick-in-our-arses your eye-gouging could never give!
Which crossbow will you choose,
Chiseler?
Which will I choose?
Obviously...
I'll choose the colossal crossbow!
It packs a bigger punch than the other one!
The punch is bigger, all right...
Indeed, it is.
Wh-What the-!
I can't pull the string back into the latch!
I-It's a stiff string!
Is it even physically possible for me to pull it back?!
Serves you right!
You'd need a conventional pulley to pull back the stiff string on that crossbow!
Misfortune befalls the overambitious,
doesn't it?!
My first cannonball shall guide me to his gust.
I've gauged the distance between our chariots.
My final cannonball shall strike him down!
Crikey!
How can I pull this bloody string back?!
Master Wham, trample that prattler into pâté for us!
We shall dine upon the "pâté" of his remains!
I-I figured as much!
His horn can't discern my wind when there's a bloody bonfire blazing between us!
Time to pull this string!
Does he think a little heat will halt Wham's will?
M-Master Wham is aiming his weapon at us!
He's turned his focus from the flame!
Jojo will always be riding by the flame and exactly opposite of Wham.
Therefore, Wham already knows where he is!
So he's trying to deflect his shot off the walls, like the deflectors on a roulette table?!
Bloody-!
His ball struck me from behind?!
I surveyed the entirety of the arena during our duel,
and found a wall which would deflect my ball.
B-Breathe...!
The ricocheted cannonball stopped short of hollowing his body out,
but his expulsion of blood would imply intestinal injury.
Kill him, Wham!
But be wary of his craft and cunning.
Approach with caution!
Will he attempt a counterattack?
Wh-When the crossbow fell to the ground, the string reached the latch!
I-I have to take him by surprise!
I need him to be closer...
Close enough to make the shot count...!
N-Now!
A counterattack!
A commendable effort,
but an absolute stray shot, nontheless.
You have my respect for attempting to mount one final offensive.
It's time, Jojo!
B-Back off!
G-Get the Hell away from me!
Stay away!
Just stay away!
I'm begging you!
H-Have mercy on me, Wham!
Jojo...!
The chiseler's tossing pebbles at Master Wham!
He's a coward, and a contemptible chiseler!
Why dont'cha die with some pride, Poltroon?!
Wh-Wham, you're gonna wail on me with the following...
"Don't you dare desecrate the sanctity of our duel, Jojo!"
Don't you dare desecrate the sanctity of our duel with your cowardice, Jojo!
Have some more!
Even blinded bats could fly about and dodge these pebbles when it's sunny outside!
But can you dodge what you can't hear, Wham?!
Th-That cannonball he fired struck Master Wham from behind!
D-Damn you...
Tricked you twice, tricked you thrice!
I followed your cannonball's path of trajectory to strike you, like you did me!
Silence befell the arena.
Not a sound was stirred.
Not a murmur was muttered.
All eyes were focused on the hole hollowed out from Wham's chest,
like the lid atop a pumpkin.
The cannonball was small, but was imbued with Ripple energy.
Wham's wounds begin to sizzle.
The Ripple has now ruined Wham's arms,
effectively sealing his Sacred Sandstorm forever.
I-I need to use Ripple Respiration to recover...
You thought you could fool me with your falling feint, eh?!
Well, you should've thought twice before lashing out!
Ripple of Repulsion!
He's won!
Wham may no longer rise!
H-How could I be reduced so...
How could I be humiliated so...
How could I allow my body of 12,000 years to be battered and broken so...!
W-Wait, both of his arms are gone!
To seize victory, my foes must be forced to struggle and suffer!
Though I am wrought with wicked wounds,
and my strength has suffered such strain,
I will use that which remains to grasp my victory!
What-?!
He's torn them...
He's torn both his arms off and fired them from the cavity in his chest!
The bloody Hell...!
G-Goddammit!
I can't use Ripple Respiration while he's strangling me!
W-Wind?
Why is there wind swirling around him?!
I shall unleash my ultimate technique!
His ultimate technique?!
H-He wouldn't...!
Wait, Wham!
Cease compression, now!
Th-The wind's being sucked into his pipes!
Witness...
my Wind of Destruction!
I will remember you
Your silhouette will charge the view
Of distance atmosphere...
Call it morning driving thru the sound and
Even in the valley...
In and around the lake
Mountains come out of the sky
and they Stand there
One mile over we'll be there and we'll see you
Ten true summers we'll be there and
Laughing too...
Twenty four before my love you'll see I'll be
There with you...
Along the drifting cloud the eagle searching
Down on the land
Catching the swirling wind the sailor sees
The rim of the land
The eagle's dancing wings create as weather
Spins out of hand
Next Time
Scatter, you scum!
I will do what I must...
The posture he strikes...
You just crossed the goddamn line to lunacy!
Only one may stand tall above all other organisms!
Episode
Waning into the Wind